Change. The last touch, the last breath, the last look. Again, change. And the same scenario repeats itself with every next person who dies by your side. Life goes on, but you never recover. When a loved one dies, so does a part of you, but the memories you made with that person, the lessons you learnt from them, never fade. They remain engraved in your memory until you become that memory in someone else's life.
But what does it actually mean to die? What happens after, if anything? How do I get there? Who will I be when I die? How will the world go on without me? Although death has always fascinated people, and the subject gave rise to many questions, it was in vain, for just as death was a mystery, so it remains to this day. In all its complexity, however, the phenomenon of death has changed over the centuries, as have people's attitudes towards it.
Well, have they?
Death has always meant and will always mean the loss of someone. No decision can stop or undo it. Death puts a final mark on our lives whether we come to terms with it or not. Yet some try to fight it. They want to slow down the process. They do not allow themselves to think about death at all. But when it happens, you freeze. The moment you lose someone, as a thousand thoughts go through your mind, you do not know where to go, you do not know where to stop, what to say. It feels like the world stops for a moment because you have to process what has happened. But it does not... and life just goes on.
And you wonder: What about the high-fives you gave each other every day, what about the newspapers you read together, what about the TV shows you used to comment on endlessly, what about the hugs that said goodbye and the smiles that greeted you the next day?
The walls of an empty home, covered with memories unable to escape your mind, make your heart beat faster. Every corner brings up the presence of this person, the person whose sight made your cheeks blush and your eyes light up. Those eyes, now swollen from tears, seek solace in the familiarity of the rooms. But they do not find it, for a mere heartbeat can never fill the void left by someone so close to you.
Suddenly the green of hope is replaced by the frustration that you wanted to say so much and you could not. And you think, and questions arise, and you feel, but you do not know what, and you want to say something, but you struggle to find the words because you do not know.
The change that death brings into your life leaves a mark on your soul. Suddenly, the palette of colours in which you see the world becomes limited to just a few. The pain that seeps through does not make it any easier to come to terms with the fact that loved ones are leaving. For the rest, is that even possible?
And here you are, standing alone, in the center of the world that seems unbothered by what has happened. And you want it to stop for a minute, you want the world to grieve with you, to help you recover. But can you? Instead, you seem to buckle under the weight of not knowing what comes next.
But what if you still had a moment? What if you knew how much time was left?
Would you do things differently?
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